you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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