Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
