Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
