I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
