New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
