take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
