i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think i have two assholes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
