drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
