her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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