I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
