just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
