I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
