2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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