If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
