hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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