dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
did you just send me my own nude
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
