Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize