God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
