Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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