I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
