you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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