We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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