if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
