fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it because I queefed?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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