I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
