i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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