He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
