I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ššš
Your skills amaze me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize
