Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
