i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
