Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize