She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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