how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
