Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
