so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
