My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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