I love black thongs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
