Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
