i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
