she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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