i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize