My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just high enough for therapy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
