Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
