OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
