we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
