I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i think my cat just said my name.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
