you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
