we have pet lesbian snakes
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
