I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
