My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
