New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
