yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
