We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
