please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
