Are we in a gay sports bar?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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