Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize