Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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