Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
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Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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