my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
