the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
