I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
soo... how was my night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
