I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
