I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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