I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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