wat bout pragnant strippers??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
