i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
