I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
