Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
